My thank you letter, because there is no one I could thank more than my team

Dear Family and Friends,

I cannot express to you how incredibly blessed I am to have such a loving group of people support me through my mission trip to Romania. This letter cannot describe all that I have learned in my journey, but I want you to know that you gave me an experience that will continue to shape my character. Being a part of the Fordham Global Outreach Romania 2011 team has honestly been one of the most challenging yet rewarding experiences in my life.

In our first stop in the city of Bucharest we worked at Casa Doru, a hospital for kids with HIV/AIDS. The language barrier was difficult to overcome, but we taught each other words by drawing pictures or playing charades and then writing corresponding words in both English and Romanian. Unfortunately, we could only stay at Casa Doru for two days. Mary Veal, the hospital director, was concerned that the kids would become attached to us, which would be problematic since the kids struggle with constant abandonment and rejection. Mary explained how the stigma of HIV/AIDS in Romania makes life extremely difficult and lonely. All of the kids we met live in fear that their illness will be discovered. Most will end up on the streets because they have to quit their jobs every time they get too sick to work. This tiny hospital is the only means for HIV/AIDS positive children in Bucharest to receive any kind of support or medical attention.

Despite all of this, these kids met us every day happily. They laughed when we butchered Romanian phrases with our American accents, and we laughed when they beat us terribly in ping-pong. They carried themselves so well that we quickly forgot they were dying of disease. Their attitudes inspired us to live optimistically.

Our next stop was to Braşov, the most beautiful city I have ever been to. The weekend stop was our tourism break. Initially, we toured the city ourselves on foot, but we also visited Castle Peleş and Bran Castle (otherwise known as “Dracula’s Castle) which both lay outside the city. We also hiked to the Braşov sign, a big sign on top of one of the mountains, similar to the Hollywood sign in California.

Next was Oneşti, the most difficult part of the project for me personally and I’m sure the rest of the team as well. Here we worked at Casa Alexandra, an orphanage for developmentally disabled children. The orphanage was divided into four groups based on mental capacity. The first few days we worked with more coherent individuals and the last days we spent with a more challenged group of kids.

Since I had never worked with the disabled before, I was very nervous initially. I kept my guard up around the kids because it is difficult to tell how they are going to react to new situations. The language barrier restricted us even further in our interaction with the kids. However, we found our way around these limitations. I spent a lot of time with a beautiful boy named Floree. Apparently he loves blonds. He found me right away and would not stop playing with my hair. He fluffed it up to make it look perfect and then told me to spin around, jump up and down, and whip my hair around by demonstrating these actions himself. Each time he motioned for me to do something and I did it, he burst out in a fit of laughter and clapped enthusiastically. I had never been so tired from dancing around or so dizzy from twirling but I had also never seen a smile so big. By spending time with the children, we realized that underneath each disability is just a playful kid.

The more severely disabled kids were the group that really got the wheels churning in our minds. We were in a room full of thirty children who sat in chairs and rocked back and forth all day long while three or four women did the best they could just to keep the room in order. It is hard to think about anything but how imprisoned these children are to their disabilities when you play hand games and only two of them have the motor skills to even attempt to slap your hand, or when you rub the back of a girl who has learned to bind her hands behind her to avoid hitting herself, or when you hold the hand of a girl for hours because it’s the only thing that brings a smile to her face. There are so many missed opportunities for these kids to grow and since the country only provides the essentials to survive.

I will admit, waking up and going back to that orphanage every day was an extremely difficult thing to do. I was mentally and physically exhausted. However, seeing my team get up and go through the same experience gave me strength to keep going. In this time period I learned multitudes about myself and about Romania. The children and my teammates taught me more than I will ever be able to give them, and I am grateful for that.

I can’t put into words what I have gotten out of this experience, but I hope this letter gives you an idea of what that is. I want you to understand that you have contributed to something that was truly worthwhile, and I want you to know that I will never be able to thank you enough. Please talk to me if you want to know more about the project and I will be more than willing to share.

I love you all and hope to see you soon.

Casa Alexandra

Casa Alexandra was the orphanage we visited for 6 days during the second week. This orphanage houses children ages newborn to 25 dealing with physical and mental disabilities at varying levels. The nurses and staff at Casa Alexandra are all very protective of the children and their privacy so the particular disabilities, or function levels of the individual children is not revealed to us, but in many instances is very apparent. The orphanage was divided into 4 “groups”, which each consisted of bedrooms and a common area. The musketeers were the first group; they were all boys ranging greatly in age, and appeared to us to be some of the highest functioning children at the orphanage. Then there was the ladybugs, which was all girls, and again seemed a little more higher functioning, then the butterflies, and finally the dwarfs, which were the most severely disabled group at the orphanage. We went to the orphanage twice a day, in the morning and then in the late afternoon to take one of the groups to the park. Overall at the orphanage was where I faced my most challenging personal fears, and saw and experienced disturbing instances that I am still finding hard to face upon returning.

The dwarfs, as it quickly became apparent with the most severely disabled. Most of the children in that group were completely non-verbal, many non-responsive, often violent towards themselves and others, and often with limited or impaired mobility.

When we took the tour the first day, I knew the day we were with these children was going to be the hardest. I still remember vividly walking into the room, their common room very different from the other groups, who often had toys everywhere, beautiful murals of children, and Disney movies on the walls, music playing, etc, instead the dwarf common room was more like a small corridor, plainly decorated with about 10 to 15 chairs lined up on both sides of the room. Most of the children sat in those chairs, rocking back and forth, making loud groans, whines, and shrieks, appearing completely unaware of the world around them. It was honestly horrifying, scary, and extremely saddening. It became even more heartbreaking as the week progressed and we realized most of the children in that room rarely leave that room. There day consists of sitting in those chairs, rocking back and forth. This is not to fault the nurses, they are wonderful and their patience astounds me. But when we visited the dwarfs there was 3 nurses, for 20+ kids. It takes all their energy an effort just to make sure no one is being violent towards themselves or others, nevermind being able to provide stimulation to each individual child.

The violence was another difficult challenge in spending time with these kids. We were of course warned in general that many of these kids can be violent towards themselves and others, but then certain children got even more specific warnings attached. One such warning was of a certain boy, in his teen years, who we were told to never turn our back to, because he will bite you and not let go. Most cases weren’t as severe as that, but it was still scary at points. Many of the kids pinched, hard. Also, since the staff was so limited often to control the kids the nurses are forced to restrain them, so many kids are taught to hold their hands behind their back, and in more extreme instances some kids had arm and even leg restraints at all times.

One of the hardest moments for me was when a nurse was having difficult with a stronger child who had escaped his leg restraints. She called me over to firmly hold that child’s legs while she locked them in and tied the restraints. It was heartbreaking, because even though the child was non-verbal, the whales, cries and shrieks of pain were still very audible, and they still stay with me now.

The dwarfs were the most challenging group to face for my entire team, because they aren’t children you can jump around with, or talk with, or have any sort of seemingly simple interaction with. Often they would have moments of seeming to be there with you, responding to you, and then the next second, they would be gone. Consumed in their own mind. It was challenging, and it was those days that are really hard now thinking back on, to deal with.

Learning About Labels

The project itself taught me so much. Probably the most prominent thing I will take away from this trip is how society relies far to greatly on labels. The kids and adolescents I visited were harshly labeled by words such as “AIDS”, “HIV”, and “Disability”, “Handicap”, “Mental Illness”. These labels often casted these individuals as outcasts in their country. But the individuals I met were people, just like everyone else. Every child had their own personality; some were shy, some more outgoing. Some were masters at ping-pong, while others loved music and dancing. They are as diverse as any other group of children you would meet, and they feel just like you and me.

The first place we visited was Casa Doru, a segment of an AIDS/ HIV hospital responsible for the care of children and young adults afflicted with the virus. In Romania the stigma against AIDS/HIV is horrifying. People really know nothing about the disease, its not like in the United States where there are PSAs all the time about how the disease is contracted and how it spreads, etc. People literally believe ridiculous myths.

The AIDS virus was first brought to Romania in the late 1980s during the Communist regime, in which the Communist leader ordered thousands of babies and toddlers that were malnourished to receive blood transfusions of untested blood coming from Africa, in order to strengthen these children. Thus now a whole generation, my generation, of young adults in Romania often have AIDS. An unofficial number is around 7,000, an that is just known cases, the estimates of people who are walking around, not knowing they have contracted the virus, either at a young age or through unprotected sexual activity, is unthinkable.

Fear is the main contributor to the stigmas surrounding AIDS. Certain laws in Romania actually dictate jobs that people with the disease are legally not allowed to hold. On top of that individuals who are afflicted with AIDS/HIV often have to keep secret their condition or else they might find themselves fired. Even if their employer doesn’t find out about their condition they often miss too much work because of the side affects of anti retro-virals. Because of this many patients stop taking their medications which leaves them even worse off. Besides worrying about work they often have to hide their condition from society in general otherwise they can find themselves evicted from their homes, alienated from their friends, etc. We were told not to take any pictures or even take out our cameras at the hospital, for the patients there often get scared someone; their boss, their landlord, their neighbor, etc. might see them an their life could fall to shambles.

Returned from Romania!

So we are back in the states, and adjusting now to being apart. Which I am pretty sure has proven to be a challenge for everyone on the team.
I wrote some posts for my personal blog about our journey, which I thought might be relevant to post here, so I will post a few, and I am sure my teammates will feel in any gaps!

Setting Off

After a semester of (more or less) regular weekly meetings, multiple fundraisers in multiple venues, and our weekend retreat, the departure date is drawing close. The writer in me is kicking in and I'm thinking about how I'm going to chronicle the Romania experience. I'm going to do my best to journal faithfully on paper during the trip, so things I put up here will sound immediate and in-the-moment (though they may be slightly edited to ready them for public view).
We're setting off a week from today, until then it's just anticipation. See you again after the project!